When I was young, my mom would surprise us once in a while with an after school treat of freshly baked cookies. She would be on one side of the counter finishing the baking, while we were on the other side, enjoying the cookies and telling her about our day. Those times were special, not just because of the cookies, but because of the special connection we felt while talking with our mom, and enjoying a yummy treat.

I've continued this tradition with my own kids, and we all look forward to freshly baked cookies once in a while. But here's the thing: if I gave my kids free rein, they'd live on cookies alone. And if your child is a picky eater, you might be dealing with the opposite problem—they'll happily eat sweets but refuse dinner. So how do we handle desserts without creating food battles or making sweets even more appealing?

The Dessert Dilemma with Picky Eaters

When it comes to picky eaters and desserts, parents often feel stuck between two bad options:

• Option 1: Let them eat as many cookies as they want → They fill up on sweets, refuse dinner, or get a stomachache
• Option 2: Strictly limit sweets or use them as bribes → Sweets become even more desirable, and food battles escalate

Neither approach helps our kids develop a healthy relationship with all foods—including treats.

The goal isn't to eliminate desserts. It's to create an equal relationship with all types of foods. That means your child doesn't obsess over cookies or feel like they need to sneak them when you're not looking.

The Division of Responsibility (Your Job vs. Their Job)

Here's a framework that has helped me let go of control while still maintaining structure:

Your job as the parent:

• Decide what foods are offered (including dessert)
• Decide when meals and snacks happen
• Decide where eating takes place

Your child's job:

• Decide how much to eat (or whether to eat at all)

Kids feel more secure and less anxious when parents do their job consistently. When we trust them to do theirs, we avoid power struggles and help them learn to listen to their own bodies.

How to Handle Snacks (Without Grazing All Day)

For snack time, I remind my kids it's just something to hold them over until the next meal. Here's what works for us:

• Set out a limited amount of snack food. They can eat as much as they want within that amount.
• Occasionally, put out a big plate and let them practice managing what feels right. Neither way is right or wrong—as long as we keep it neutral.
• Stick to a structure: 3 main meals at predictable times, with only one snack between each meal.

If you want your kids (or yourself!) to be hungry for nutritious food at mealtimes, constant grazing isn't helpful. Structure creates security and helps everyone show up to meals actually hungry.

The Dessert-with-Dinner Trick

Here's a strategy that might feel uncomfortable at first but can be a game-changer:

Serve dessert WITH the meal.

Yes, really. Put a small serving of dessert on the dinner plate alongside the main dish and veggies.

What if your child eats the dessert first?

That's okay. In fact, that's a great test of your emotional attachment to their eating habits. If it makes you anxious, there might be some work to do on letting go of control.

Remember: Food isn't just about nourishment—it's also about nurturing and connection in our families. Dessert can be part of a balanced meal without becoming the enemy.

Building Trust Around Food

The more I learn about nutrition, the more I want to micromanage my kids' eating. But here's what I've noticed:

When we have structure in place and help our kids feel like we trust them to make good food choices from what we offer, we free ourselves from exhausting food battles and build their confidence instead.

I'm still learning to let go of control myself—it's not easy! But the more I trust the process, the more relaxed our mealtimes become.